


Phan Skin deep

by bevin



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Comfort/Angst, Dan Howell x Phil Lester - Freeform, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hate myself video, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Romance, Self-Denial, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shy Dan, YouTube, past anorexia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 13:01:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8534068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevin/pseuds/bevin
Summary: What if Phil had been watching Dan's video about hating himself ? Here's Phil's reaction .





	

__ __ _ Phan _

_ Skin deep _

_ _________________________________________________________________________________________ _

_ ‘’I don’t know if you think I’m a big-headed person, but I’m really not. I  _ hate _ everything about myself; just ask anybody that knows me. But one thing I would say that is good about me is I’m nice _ . ”

Phil’s heart broke no it doesn't break it shatters into a million tiny pieces. The fact that his precious Dan could even say anything like this about himself brings tears to his eyes .

It’s a complete and utter wonder to him how someone so beautiful could ever hate themselves. Dan was just so ….. Intelligent, smart, funny, humorous, irreplaceable, handsome, amazing, innocent, selfless and absolutely unique. I had already had a feeling that Dan had many insecurities but every time someone caught on or tried to prove him wrong by showing him how perfect he was he would always shut himself out from the world .

He wouldn't eat ,

wouldn't get out of bed,

wouldn't post videos nor would he even speak .

And quite honestly it scared him to death to see him tear himself apart he could see practically every bone of Dan's.Dan has distanced himself and not seeing Dan was practically killing him inside. He could care less if he had to stop making videos all that matters was that his Dan was okay. 

He had watched the light die out from Dan’s honeydew brown eyes helpless to stop it and he had promised himself he would never let that happen again. 

The Younow had ended with Dan saying a quick goodbye while he just stood there staring at the now iridescent computer screen. 

Dan wasn't getting away with this, not this time I won’t allow him to shut himself out again it hurts too much to see him in pain and I can only imagine how Dan must feel.

I walked down the hallway of our shared flat before finding myself at Dan’s door. Hesitantly I knocked on his door .

‘’ Dan I-I need to talk to I-I saw the video please open the door ‘’

‘’No Phil p...please just go away’’ 

I refuse to let him shut himself out once again I had asked nicely but he refused I would talk to him, either way, I thought determinedly while opening his door. 

The younger man's room was dark with no lights on Dan was sitting on his bed but what shocked Phil was the many cuts on the crying Dan’s arms along with a bloody switchblade. Without a second thought, I had leaped across the room and ripped the switchblade out of his hands. 

‘’ W-...What the hell Dan!’’unshed tears were in my eyes begging to be released .

He only stared at me mutely before finally speaking .

‘’ Please don't cry P.Phil,  I'm not worth it I never was ‘".

I stepped back, looking down at the ground sadly "why don't you see It Dan...you're perfect. everyone loves you. everyone cares about you" I bit my lip harshly, drawing blood "but you don't see that...why?" I looked into Dan's eyes "even when someone loves you so much they can't live without you. You still can’t understand how much you mean to me "

‘’ You still don't understand Phil I never had a friend for eighteen freaking years of my life. EIGHTEEN Phil! I was bullied too and not once did anyone ever stand up for me because no one ever cared enough for a freak like me .’’ His voice broke before he composed himself .’’ A-and then I met you and I finally felt like I belonged but then you wanted to get another roommate after I had just fallen for you. All my insecurities came rushing back and oh god I had tried to tell you but each and every time you had neglected me I felt the need to cut until it finally became too much .’’

I gasped this was all my fault if I had just noticed what a strain and burden I had been putting on him none of this would've happened .

"Just. Say. It. I'm. Bloody. Pathetic." Dan spat, dragging his nail viciously across the wounds with every word he said.

Grabbing Dan's arm tightly my expression turned from sadness to anger "Don't you dare hurt yourself anymore" I growled, keeping eye contact with Dan as I kept a tight grip on the boy's arm.

‘’ And why the hell not?! It’s not like you care !’’ He yelled while trying to get away. I silenced Dan by pulling him into a passionate chaste kiss. 

‘’ I care Dan I always have because I love you,’’ I said while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.His eyes welled up with tears .

‘’ Oh god Phil y-y..you don’t know how long I've waited to hear you say that. ‘’ 

  
  
  
  



End file.
